Honest Campaign Ads Act

Section 1. Short Title and Regrettable Necessity

This Act may be cited as the “Honest Campaign Ads Act” or the “We Both Know That Statistic Is Made Up Act of 2025.”

The Senate finds and declares:

(a) Approximately 97% of statistics cited in campaign advertisements are misleading, made up, or both. (Note: this statistic is itself unverified, which rather proves the point.)

(b) The average American voter is subjected to over 10,000 political ads per election cycle, of which roughly four are completely honest, and those four are for local school board candidates who couldn’t afford a graphic designer.

(c) The phrase “I approve this message” has been rendered entirely meaningless by the messages that follow it.

Section 2. Mandatory Exaggeration Disclaimers

2(a). General Requirement

Every political advertisement broadcast on television, radio, the internet, a billboard, the side of a bus, a skywriting plane, or any surface capable of displaying text larger than a bumper sticker shall include a clearly visible Exaggeration Disclaimer identifying:

1. Each factual claim that has been “creatively interpreted”
2. Each statistic that was cherry-picked, rounded, or generated by the candidate’s nephew
3. Each photograph that has been altered, including but not limited to making the opposing candidate look slightly more sinister via lighting adjustments
4. Any use of the phrase “fighting for you” by a person who has never been in a fight

2(b). Disclaimer Format

Disclaimers shall appear in a font no smaller than 50% of the largest text in the advertisement, because those tiny-font disclaimers at the bottom of pharmaceutical ads have taught us that no one reads small print.

Section 3. The Pinocchio Rating System

3(a). Establishment

There is hereby established a Federal Pinocchio Rating Board (FPRB), which shall assign each campaign advertisement a rating from one to five Pinocchios:

• One Pinocchio: “Mildly misleading, like saying you enjoy visiting Iowa”
• Two Pinocchios: “Significant omissions, such as leaving out the word ‘not’”
• Three Pinocchios: “Creative fiction with a loose basis in reality”
• Four Pinocchios: “Pants fully on fire”
• Five Pinocchios: “Has achieved a level of falsehood previously thought impossible outside of fishing stories”

3(b). Display Requirements

The Pinocchio rating shall be displayed in the lower-right corner of all video advertisements, using a standardized animated nose-growth graphic approved by the Federal Election Commission’s new Department of Satirical Accuracy.

Section 4. Mandatory Fact-Check Footnotes

4(a). Print and Digital Advertisements

All print and digital campaign materials shall include footnotes for every factual claim, formatted in the style of an academic paper. Campaign flyers shall be treated as peer-reviewed publications and subject to the same scrutiny.

4(b). Television Advertisements

Television ads shall include a scrolling fact-check ticker along the bottom of the screen, similar to a stock ticker, but instead of stock prices it displays the actual context behind each claim. The ticker shall move slowly enough for a reasonable viewer to read, which disqualifies the current speed used by pharmaceutical disclaimers.

Section 5. Penalties

5(a). First Violation

A campaign found in violation shall be required to air a 30-second correction ad in which the candidate personally explains what they got wrong, without blaming staff.

5(b). Repeat Violations

Upon a third violation, the candidate’s next campaign ad shall be written entirely by their opponent’s fact-checking team, which the committee acknowledges is petty but effective.

5(c). Egregious Violations

Any advertisement receiving a five-Pinocchio rating shall be immediately replaced with 30 seconds of a golden retriever sitting in a field, which polling suggests most Americans would prefer to watch anyway.

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This bill was co-sponsored by members of both parties, which should tell you how unlikely it is to pass. It was last seen in the Congressional mail room, filed between a pizza menu and a strongly worded letter from a constituent who is upset about birds. Current vote tally: Unknown, as the vote was scheduled during a recess and everyone left early.