Reply All Prevention Act

Section 1. Short Title and Declaration of Email Emergency

This Act may be cited as the “Reply All Prevention Act” or the “For the Love of God, Stop Hitting That Button Act of 2025.”

Congress finds and solemnly declares:

(a) On March 7, 2024, a single “Reply All” email sent to all 2.1 million federal employees saying “Thanks!” generated 1.3 million additional “Reply All” responses, including 240,000 that said “Please remove me from this list,” 180,000 that said “STOP REPLYING ALL,” and one that simply contained a photo of a cat.

(b) The resulting server crash cost the federal government an estimated $4.7 million in lost productivity, though it is debatable whether anyone was being productive in the first place.

(c) “Reply All” is the digital equivalent of standing up in a crowded theater and shouting your personal thoughts to every single person in the room, and it must be stopped.

Section 2. Definition of Unnecessary Reply All

2(a). Covered Communications

For the purposes of this Act, an “Unnecessary Reply All” is defined as any use of the Reply All function in a government email system where:

1. The reply contains only “Thanks,” “Got it,” “Sounds good,” or any emoji
2. The reply is intended for one person but sent to 50 or more
3. The reply says “Please remove me from this list” (to a list you cannot be removed from via Reply All)
4. The reply says “STOP REPLYING ALL” (which is itself a Reply All)
5. The reply contains a joke that the sender found much funnier than anyone else will
6. The reply is a lunch order intended only for one coworker named “Greg”

2(b). Exemptions

The following uses of Reply All are exempt from this Act:

• Genuine emergencies (building on fire, active threat, free donuts in the break room)
• Replies containing substantive information relevant to all recipients
• Messages from the President, who can email whoever they want, apparently

Section 3. The Reply All Review Board

3(a). Establishment

There is hereby established a Federal Reply All Review Board (RARB), composed of:

• Three IT professionals who have seen things no one should have to see
• Two HR representatives with a clinical understanding of office passive-aggression
• One therapist specializing in technology-induced rage
• One intern who will actually read all the emails

3(b). Review Process

Any federal employee may report an Unnecessary Reply All to the Board via a dedicated email address. The Board shall respond within 48 hours, using Reply All only when absolutely necessary, which they acknowledge is never.

Section 4. Penalties

4(a). First Offense (Misdemeanor, Class F — “F” for “Facepalm”)

A first-time offender shall be required to:

1. Write a 500-word essay on “Why My Reply Was Not Important Enough for 200 People”
2. Attend a two-hour Email Etiquette Seminar titled “To, CC, and BCC: A Love Story”
3. Have their Reply All button replaced with a confirmation dialog that asks, “Are you SURE? Are you REALLY sure? Think about Greg.”

4(b). Second Offense

Repeat offenders shall have their Reply All function disabled entirely for a period of six months, during which they must walk physically to anyone they wish to communicate with, like it’s 1987.

4(c). Third Offense

Upon a third violation, the offender’s email signature shall be permanently amended to include the text: “This person has been convicted of Unnecessary Reply All. Please do not engage.”

4(d). Aggravated Reply All

Any Reply All sent to more than 10,000 recipients that triggers a subsequent Reply All chain of more than 100 messages shall be classified as “Aggravated Reply All” and punishable by a mandatory week of answering the office phone, which no one else wants to do either.

Section 5. The “Reply All Awareness Week”

The first full week of October shall be designated as National Reply All Awareness Week, during which:

• All federal email systems shall display a banner reading “Think Before You Reply All”
• Agencies shall hold brief training sessions (attendance not mandatory, but the invitation shall not be sent via Reply All)
• A moment of silence shall be observed for all inboxes lost to Reply All storms

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This bill passed the House 418-12. The 12 dissenting members were later discovered to have voted “nay” by accidentally Replying All to the wrong email thread. The irony was entered into the Congressional Record. One member attempted to Reply All to the vote itself, which is not how voting works, but was appreciated for its commitment to the bit.