Common Sense Not Found Act

Section 1. Short Title and Finding of Obvious Necessity

This Act may be cited as the “Common Sense Not Found Act of 2025” or, for those who have already lost interest, the “Just Say What You Mean Act.”

Congress finds and declares the following:

(a) The average federal bill contains more subordinate clauses than a family reunion seating chart.

(b) No fewer than 94% of Americans have, at some point, attempted to read legislation and immediately fallen asleep.

(c) The phrase “notwithstanding any other provision of law” appears in federal statute approximately 11,000 times, and no human alive can explain what it means in context.

Section 2. Plain English Mandate

2(a). Readability Requirements

All legislation introduced in either chamber of Congress shall achieve a minimum Flesch-Kincaid readability score of 60, equivalent to language comprehensible by an eighth-grader who has not yet had their spirit crushed by standardized testing.

2(b). Prohibited Phrases

The following phrases are hereby banned from all legislative text, effective immediately:

• “Notwithstanding any other provision of law”
• “For the purposes of this subsection, as defined in subsection (c)(2)(iv)(A)(iii)”
• “Shall be construed to mean” followed by something that means the opposite
• Any sentence exceeding 150 words (looking at you, Appropriations)
• The word “synergy” in any context whatsoever

Section 3. The Clarity Score System

3(a). Establishment of the Federal Clarity Bureau

There is hereby established within the Library of Congress a Federal Clarity Bureau (FCB), staffed by English teachers, frustrated copy editors, and at least one person who has successfully assembled IKEA furniture using only the instructions provided.

3(b). Scoring Methodology

Each bill introduced in Congress shall receive a Clarity Score from 1 to 10, where:

• 10 = “A child could understand this”
• 7 = “Readable with coffee”
• 5 = “Requires a law degree and mild desperation”
• 3 = “Technically in English”
• 1 = “Has anyone actually read this? Anyone at all?”

Bills scoring below a 5 shall be returned to their sponsors with a red pen and a note that says “See me after class.”

Section 4. Penalties for Excessive Jargon

4(a). First Offense

Any legislator who introduces a bill with a Clarity Score below 3 shall be required to read the entire bill aloud on C-SPAN during prime time, without bathroom breaks.

4(b). Second Offense

Repeat offenders shall be enrolled in a mandatory “Writing for Humans” workshop at the nearest community college, at their own expense.

4(c). Third Offense

Upon a third violation, the offending legislator’s staff shall be authorized to replace all future bill drafts with a simple bulleted list of what the bill actually does, which, frankly, is what should have been happening all along.

Section 5. Effective Date and Irony Acknowledgment

This Act shall take effect 180 days after enactment, which Congress acknowledges is itself written in a somewhat convoluted manner, thereby proving the necessity of the Act itself.

Committee Note: This bill was approved 34-1 in committee. The lone dissenting vote came from a member who objected that the bill “lacked sufficient wherewiths and hereinafters.” His objection was noted, then ignored.

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Amendment 1 (adopted): Added requirement that all bills include a “TL;DR” summary of no more than 280 characters. Passed 402-28, with 28 members voting against because they did not know what “TL;DR” means.